This time I seem to be out of one of the key ingredients to make lemonade from the lemons of life. The sugar. The second most important ingredient. The one that makes it sweet and bearable to drink. I'm out. I'm empty. I have none.
Cam was in a car accident yesterday, and everyone is fine. No one had even a single scratch. For that I am so very thankful. Truly. It happened at an extremely busy intersection not a mile from his school. This one involved three cars, including his. The front car had stopped to turn left into Subway. A girl driving a smaller pickup truck evidently didn't see him and she slammed into the first car. Her sudden stop caused Cam to slam into the rear end of her truck. All three cars were pretty messed up. The girl's truck had to be towed. Cam and I drove his home. I don't know if it could've been prevented on Cam's part or not. The girl had evidently taken her foot off the brake, since her car wasn't running, and Cam said he never saw her taillights. I don't know. He got a ticket. She got a ticket. All three have wrecked cars and stressed out parents, as they were all students at Union Grove.
Last night my spirit was broken. I had a meltdown from it all. I had truly hoped that today I would feel better. I don't. As I'm typing this, I'm as choked up as I was last night.
I know things could be so much worse. I could've spent a sleepless night at a hospital with my son. I could've spent a sleepless night comforting a son who had badly injured or even killed someone with the truck he so dearly loves. I know all this. Yet still I'm broken. And I'm going to experience every second of the brokenness until it goes away on its own. I don't want to sweep it under a rug or pretend I'm fine. I'm going to feel it. Allow myself to cry, allow myself to frown. Allow myself to have an overwhelming feeling of dread for Monday when we have to deal with the insurance, police reports, and all the other things that go along with having an accident. Then when the feeling is done with me, I'll live, love and laugh again.