Thursday, February 12, 2009

Oscar and Me

This is my new "favorite book". It's on my bookcase, and I love it. I encourage anyone who is feeling on the grouchy side to read it. From cover to cover. Over and over. It's great. If anyone can define grouchiness and how to be a grouch, it's Oscar the Grouch. In case your local library doesn't have a copy of this great book, let me give you a few highlights: First you must learn to frown. Check. Second, you must look like a grouchy person. Check. Oscar says that grouches can live in trash cans, old cars, crummy old houses or even in yucky beautiful houses. Check. He also tells you that to be a good grouch, it helps to be tired and grumpy, so you should get a bad night's sleep. He tells you to put rocks under your sheet. Well, I didn't do that, but I don't sleep worth a crap a lot of nights. And I did sleep on the sofa last night. To get the day off to a grouchy start, you should set your clock to go off too early. Check. Do that every day thinking I'll get up a little earlier and do some work or something, which I never-ever do. Tell yourself how awful you look this morning. Triple check on that one. Then Oscar has a few pages of some things that make him grouchy. For example, bubble gum machines that take his money but give him no gumball, grouchy hornets, someone who thinks he's funny but isn't makes Oscar grouchy. Oscar thinks coat hangers can be the world's grouchiest things. Obviously, Oscar lives on Sesame Street and not on my street. It is true, though, that coat hangers can be quite obnoxious at times, don't you think? Then the book takes you through several pages of funny stuff about how grouches relax and how to take a grouch vacation and how beneficial it is for grouches to be together, like in grouch clubs and such. There are other famous storybook grouches that Oscar wants us to know about besides himself. Such as the Giant at the top of Jack's Beanstalk, Cinderella's Family, Witches, and storybook dragons.

How can someone like me who likes all things sunny and happy and warm be grouchy like Oscar the Grouch who hates the above-mentioned? Can you say H-O-R-M-O-N-E-S????

I had my surgery in October and now it is February. I think my body is beginning to realize that something is a little different and it's beginning to wonder WTHeck. I'm making a joke of something that's pretty serious business here. I'm snapping my family up like a pan of fresh green beans and all the while looking for something to throw. I have a doctor visit Monday afternoon, so please pray that he'll have a magic cure for me. Soon. Very soon. Because if not, my poor, sweet husband may just leave me. Which I would probably deserve.

Here's Oscar's best advice which comes on the last page of this great book.
But pray for me, please. I really do need it.

9 comments:

suzanne said...

Oh, that's got to be my FAVORITE BLOG YET!!!!!!!
I always did think Oscar was on to something. Alayna just hit me in the head with a softball outside while I was raking leaves. Grouchy for sure.

Here is a short list of things that cause me extreme and uncontrollable grouchiness:

*Strangers who stand too close to me in line at the store
*Crumbs
*tee-tee on the toilet seat
*zits
*messed-up contact lenses
*fighting children (3 in particular)
*stinky breath

These are just a few that comes to mind, but the list could go on.....

From one loving grouch to the next,
Suzanne

Theresa said...

Girls... Ya'll are really making me laugh and it was absolutely one of my favorite blogs too! Grouchiness was actually what I was yesterday! Just ask Barbo... when I called her this morning, she said you sure sound more chipper than yesterday. Those grouchy days for me are few and far between, but yesterday... I sat in the beauty shop for FOUR hours. My appt was at 12 Noon and I got out of there at FOUR O'clock. I know that I am retired but my time is too precious to spend it in the beauty shop! Hello, how ugly can I be?

Anyway, my Alex has been sick for a long time. She had strep throat and then a UTI and the anti-biotic they gave her didn't work and today she had to have TWO shots and a different anti-biotic. Tracy said she screamed and cried for a long time. This has got to work, please pray for her! Her Valentine party was today and she didn't even feel like going :( I sat in the car with her with her Mommy went in to take cupcakes and get her treats.

Love you all and Kell, you should write a book!!!!!!

Kelly said...

I sure hope Alex feels better soon. Can't stand when little kids are sick. That makes me grouchy for sure. I'm looking forward to Monday, lunch with my dear sweet auties and the doctor visit. Relief is on the way.

Joyce said...

oh..... suzanne you are so right on with your list! especially strangers that are in my space. even people i barely know that get in my area drives me crazy!!!! I'll pray for Alex and all the grouches over on the east coast! hey, guys, i just lost an income and I'm not grouchy! just smile!!!! love, joyce... your westcoast newly adopted sister!

Joyce said...

oh... and the antidepressents and prayer helps too!

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Fav line: "I'm snapping my family up like a pan of fresh green beans and all the while looking for something to throw." I hear ya on the hormones, but I'm a raging 46 year-old.

REGINA said...

THIS IS SO FUNNY! I WAS SUCH A GROUCH YESTERDAY I COULD NOT EVEN LEAVE A COMMENT ABOUT IT. I FEEL LIKE WE WERE IN THE SAME SHOES. IF WE WERE IN THE SAME SHOES FOR REAL I REALLY WOULD BE A GROUCH! SIZE 8-9 IN A SIZE 3-5.(HAHA). START OFF WITH I'M NOT A MORNING PERSON. CHRIS IS WAKING ME UP SAYING "GET UP YOUR GOING TO BE LATE".ON TOP OF THAT I WAS HAVING A GOOD DREAM. THEN HE DECIDES HE IS GOING TO TAKE A PERSONAL DAY. SO THEN HE TAKES ME TO WORK AND DROPS ME OFF.I DON'T LIKE GETTING DROPPED OFF EITHER. THEN HE DECIDES TO GO TO WORK IN MY CAR AND NOT PICK ME UP FROM WORK.I TOLD HIM IT WAS OK NOT PICKING ME UP BUT HE WASN'T KEEPING MY CAR NO MORE. MY HAIR NEEDED DOING BUT DID NOT GET DONE.TO TOP OFF MY STORY I HAVE THIS FEMALE STUFF GOING ON. I THINK THAT WORD HORMONES!!!!!!!!IS MY PROBLEM.HOPE EVERYBODY HAS A FABULOUS FRIDAY!! I AM. MY 9 DAY VACATION STARTS NOW. YEAH!!!!!!

Crystal said...

Ok, so I guess it's my turn now........you gotta just LOVE how the grouch blog has gotten the most comments yet!! What does that say about all of us? Well, from one grouch to the next to the next to the next, here a few things that make me grouchy...I can only list a few because no one has time to read all of that!! First and foremost, it makes me very GROUCHY when my ex-husband spends money like he has a money tree growing out his butt, however he neglects to share the stinkin' wealth with his children! You gotta love it when a man wants to help by doing the laundry, but good LORD, do you have to put my shirts in the dryer?? The old "elbow stretch" can only stretch the fabric so much right?? Why do I always have to decide what's for supper? Everyone else is going to be eating too, right? Why does the girl that sits in front of my cubicle at work have to feel like she is on an amusement park ride everytime she slides her chair up to her desk? She literally rocks my world about 50 times a day! My pictures are falling off the cubicle walls? I'm gonna get hit on the head by falling elementary school framed art one of these days! Why is it when there are those little paper toilet seat covers available that people still feel like they need to hover over the toilet? Just use the darn things and quit peeing on the seat! Does Joseph just enjoy hearing Ethan scream at the top of his lungs for him to stop blowing in his ear?? I don't remember me and Kelly and Suzanne aggravating each other like that and cause our mother extreme grouchiness! Oh wait, yes I do! Kelly, do you remember that time that you bounced my head up and down and up and down and up and down until my neck was soooooooo sore?? Huh? Do you remember that? I DO! Anyway, the point is I believe that maybe I am destined to be a grouch! Sure seems like it, and my kids ask me all the time, why are you so grouchy? Gee, I can't imagine why!!! Happy Friday the 13th and Happy Valentines Day to everyone!!

Theresa said...

We are having to double-dip on this blog! FUNNY comments from everyone! I don't like to be dropped off either and NOBODY does my laundry but me! I hardly dry anything. Clothes are too expensive to ruin them. Tee-Tee on the toilet seat is a bad one and also # 2 left in the toilet. When people use the potty in the stores... turn around and say ByeBye. Don't leave it for me to see and have a gag attack! I will shoot out of there like a cannonball. Another thing, leaving buggies in the parking lot when there are buggy returns everywhere.

Now, whew I feel better and oh by the way so does Alex! Keep praying! She had a better day and started the new anti-biotic which she will take for 9 days.

Love you all!